Score: 2

"Lovers Read Elsewhere"

submission: The Real Legend 3

date: February 4, 2009

I remember watching The Real Legend 1 & 2 a few years ago, and really enjoyed both installments. There was just something charming and funny about these works, and even then they looked gorgeous. This "series" was one of the very few that had me wondering if there would ever be a great Real Legend 3. So much for great. It sucks that I'm typing this, but I just feel like I have to(haters can go F themselves in advance if all they cared about was how pretty this Flash looked).
As far as visuals go, they were great, but completely overshadowed by 3's plot. I myself probably wouldn't have noticed nonetheless cared if they looked just like their predecessors.
So Link walks into a house, breaks a pot, and leaves. I understand the concept of the pot breaking, but does this scene really belong anywhere? Then Navi ends up having a boring conversation with a goron, pointlessly extended by another goron who asks about smoking rocks(seriously?). I would have found it much funnier if a loud, enthusiastic Goron got in Link's face about rolling around, and Navi diffused the situation, leading to the same Goron panicking and addressing his kin being killed. Navi getting hit on came of as more of a space filler, and the prison scene was not funny. I almost cringed at the dance scene, which felt like another space filller. What would'e been funnier is if that same flame monster was exaggerated into some demonic fire beast, only to be extinguished by a bottle of water. The sage should have just punched Link, gave a quick speech, and tossed him to the dragon.
Now the dragon, this scene died when Link farted. I couldn't believe that toilet humor was incorporated into the killing of a boss. Overall, I just didn't feel that the charm was there, and the voice acting felt too scripted.
A type this review based on comparing this Flash to its former installments, which are very solid in terms of entertainment. As much as it sucks to say, the new Real Legend just feels like an empty shell of its former self(I dare someone to watch parts 1 & 2 and say 3 is the best.)I'm sorry if I come off as an A-hole(most likely yes), but I just had to toss in my two cents.

-My message to the author; don't take it personally, I was just expecting a bit more after my impressions on 1& 2. But at least you came back and made a 3rd, which shows you care, I guess?-

Score: 7

"click, click, click, ...Level Complete."

submission: Endless Zombie Rampage

date: November 11, 2007

This game would be badass if you added a city, vehicles, and enemies that shoot projectiles. It would also be nice if the base actually did something. The only thing that sucked was all of the blood/corpses because I couldn't see the zombies that good. The Eagle and the Pancor fucking rape the undead.

Score: 1

"Cookies!? WHAT FUCKING COOKIES?!!"

submission: A Wii Little Problem

date: August 29, 2007

The moment I heard the song from Kill Bill, I closed the flash. Why? Because everyone is tired of it. Try some death metal. You can never go wrong with death metal!